Even if you don’t root for the Kansas City Chiefs or the San Francisco 49ers, you can always turn Super Bowl 54 into a drinking game. Let’s have some fun!
Super Bowl Sunday is a national holiday, or at least it should be. It is on this early February Sunday in the United States of America where we do the most American of things. We watch our national pastime, consume an inordinate amount of food, hang out with our friends and families and even knock back a few adult beverages or two.
Okay, let’s be real. If you’re reading this post, you’re the type of person who likes to have a good time, all the time. You’ve made an executive decision to either call in sick on Monday, look for a new job starting Monday or wisely keep your job and use some of that sweet PTO you’ve earned over the years. Of course, we’re talking about FanSided‘s official Super Bowl 54 Drinking Game.
On the field, we’ll see the Kansas City Chiefs take on the San Francisco 49ers. We’ll see two head coaches who haven’t won a Super Bowl before in Andy Reid and Kyle Shanahan. We’ll also see two incredible quarterbacks fight for a Lombardi Trophy in the greatest player alive in Patrick Mahomes and the most attractive quarterback alive in Jimmy Garoppolo. It’ll be a good time.
This should be a great game, as either team can end up winning it. But if you hate either of these teams, you can still win because win or lose, you still booze. Here are the official rules for the Super Bowl 54 Drinking Game. Pick any of these 54 rules you want, take them to heart and drink accordingly. Enjoy the game and hopefully, the resulting hangover isn’t too bad either.
Take a sip and enjoy the Super Bowl 54 Drinking Game experience.
- Any time someone mentions how handsome Jimmy Garropolo is. He’s really, really, really, really ridiculously good-looking!
- Whenever Patrick Mahomes does something you’ve never seen a quarterback do before.
- Whenever J-Lo or Shakira say “Miami” or “South Beach” during the halftime show.
- If Andy Reid gives us one of his good, old-fashioned clock management botch jobs, take a sip and shake your head. Poor Andy. It’s every single time…
- Should they show a flashback of the 49ers’ last Super Bowl victory (Super Bowl XXIX over the then-San Diego Chargers), take a sip and marvel at the greatest Super Bowl performance to date by Steve Young. He spectacular in that ball game.
- When Tyreek Hill burns Richard Sheman like toast, take a sip.
- Take a sip to deal with when the NFL officials make it about themselves. It’s inevitable. It’s bound to happen because it’s the NFL and that’s what this species of zebras does.
- Pick-sixes or scoop-and-scores, take a sip and respond accordingly, depending on if this was good or bad for your vantage point.
- Anytime a tight end makes a big play. This game has George Kittle and Travis Kelce in it, so that’s going to happen a lot in this game. Get ready for that.
- Anytime you feel like you’ve seen a commercial you respect, but are in no means willing to purchase that product. Money doesn’t grow on trees and neither does booze, so drink!
- Anytime Joe Buck or Troy Aikman bring up that the only reason the 49ers have Nick Bosa is that Jimmy Garoppolo tore his ACL last season and the 49ers’ season went into the tank.
- If they show that awesome clip of Andy Reid running into the Chiefs locker room like the football Kool-Aid Man he is, take a sip of that adult Kool-Aid you’re sipping on.
- Should your favorite NFL team show up on-screen at any point during the game, take a sip and reflect on why your favorite team isn’t there. Don’t beat yourself up too bad, kid.
- If there is a celebrity interview from a sideline reporter and the celebrity doesn’t seem to have any understanding of football, finish your beverage and get away from that self-entitled nonsense. Grab another one to cope with it, too.
- Should either Patrick Mahomes or Jimmy Garoppolo take it in himself for six points, take a sip and respect their dual-threat playmaking abilities as runners.
- Don’t have someone hold your beer when there’s a holding penalty, take a sip and chastise whoever deserves ridicule for the call: The player or the zebra. It’s up to you.
- If a player, coach or commentator looks sunburnt to all hell on-screen, feel free to laugh at them for not wearing sunscreen in Florida in February. It’s Florida!
- When Terry Bradshaw does Terry Bradshaw things, take a sip and respect the FOX television gold that is Terry Bradshaw.
Finish your drink by the next commercial and go get another beverage.
- 28-3 comes up when talking about Kyle Shanahan, Tevin Coleman or any member of the 2016 Atlanta Falcons. If you’re a Falcons fan like me, you’re allowed to swear loudly.
- Anybody shows a tribute to the late, great Kobe Bryant. Once you finish your beverage, shoot the beer can/plastic solo cup into the air and shout KOBE!!! at the top of your lungs. You’re paying respect to a champion, so remember that. Only shoot a glass cup into the air if that’s the type of partying you’re getting into this evening. God bless.
- If somebody quotes LeBron James about “taking their talents to South Beach,” you’ll need to go get yourself another beverage because you’ll want to get away from that redundant cliché of a human being on your television screen as fast as possible.
- Because it’s Florida, if it’s raining and the FOX telecast brings up the weather, make it rain in your living room by finishing your beverage and grabbing another one.
- If they show any of the iconic comedic Chiefs fans on-screen: Paul Rudd, Rob Riggle, David Koechner or Eric Stonestreet.
- At halftime, should there be a snippet of “Waiting for Tonight,” party like it’s 1999 for J-Lo.
- If there’s a snippet of “Whenever, Wherever” sing as much of it as you can because that’s when Shakira came into our lives and you need to celebrate by finishing your beverage.
- When a Chief pours that sweet, delicious sticky Gatorade on top of Andy Reid’s head, pour that sweet, delicious sticky alcoholic concoction down your throat either to celebrate Andy finally being a champion.
- Who doesn’t love big dude touchdowns? Should an offensive lineman or a defensive lineman score a touchdown in this ball game, chug as that big dude would. He scored a touchdown for all of us. That touchdown was for us! America!
- When someone cameos in a commercial that catches you completely off-guard, finish your beverage and grab another one to help your brain process this advertisement.
- Because the Miami Dolphins make everyone cry, if they show tribute to either undefeated 1972 team or the 1984 team Dan Marino took the Super Bowl in his second year, finish your beverage, grab another and have the serious internal conversation about why the Dolphins have largely sucked for the 21st century. Like, really go there, man.
- Should there be a Tostitos commercial and you feel like you need to chomp on some Tostitos, before you do that, finish your drink, grab/make another and bring back some delicious chips for everyone to enjoy. Queso, salsa and/or guac is a must. Don’t leave your people hanging.
- If there’s a Go Daddy! commercial, finish your drink, grab another and ask yourself why Go Daddy! is still a thing.
- Should they show any animals that define Florida like manatees and flamingos in your eyes, pay respect to that magnificent wildlife species by finishing your beverage and getting yourself another. Animals are awesome and so are you, hero!
- If the humidity, or the elements, compromises Jimmy Johnson’s immaculate hairstyle in any way, finish your drink, go get another and ask yourself how this was even possible. Jimmy’s hair was science-proof and everybody knows it. Does this mean the apocalypse is nigh?
- If somebody plays poorly enough to get booed by the largely non-partisan Super Bowl crowd, you boo that player, too. No, it does not matter if you like him. You boo him relentlessly. After that, you finish your drink and go get yourself another one. You can continue to boo throughout the entire process. In fact, it is encouraged. BOO!!!
- If there is an idiot watching this game with you who says their team is better than the two teams in the Super Bowl, feel free to tell them to shut up. Better yet, go get yourself another drink and contemplate why you’re acquainted with this fool in the first place.
- You are more than welcome to finish your beverage and make yourself another one if Tyreek Hill finds special teams pay dirt. He’s so fast, that’s why he calls himself CHEETAH.
Chug because you’re the champion who agreed to this. You’re not a quitter.
- If they show giant 12-year-old Andy Reid participating in Punt, Pass and Kick, you know what to do.
- Whenever somebody mispronounces 49ers running back Raheem Mostert’s name. It’s ruh-HEEM MOE-stert.
- Anytime there’s a Doritos commercial that was funny and your body immediately starts craving some Nacho Cheese or Cool Ranch deliciousness. Man, Doritos are awesome!
- Anytime you find yourself wishing the game was as compelling as the Puppy Bowl, chug as a tribute to the sanctity that is the Puppy Bowl.
- If you find Joe Buck’s multi-tonal array of hair plugs frightening, chug. It’s the only way you’ll forget out about FOX’s follicle Frankenstein.
- Whenever you see something go oh so horribly wrong on special teams, you know the drill.
- If you catch yourself wondering how Booger McFarland would have called this game, chug to get that sick thought out of your head! Also, book an appointment to a therapist on Monday morning.
- If there’s a Melissa Etheridge cameo, sing as much of “Come to My Window” as you know and then chug.
- Should there be a point where somebody on the telecast mentions Eric Bieniemy should be an NFL head coach right now, say “damn straight” and chug. He should be a head coach in this league!
- If by chance Rob Lowe is in the Hard Rock Stadium stands wearing an NFL shield hat, say, “This LITERALLY happened two weeks ago!” Chug your beverage because we’re clearly living in a simulation and déjà vu is 100 percent proof of that.
- Should it come up and they explain why Kyle Shanahan rocks essentially a 49ers skateboard hat, chug your beverage like the bro you and the bro-est of bros Kyle Shanahan would do, bro. He’s such a bro, man.
- Should either George Kittle or Travis Kelce score a touchdown or go over 100 yards in the game, chug to honor these bros for being awesome in the Super Bowl.
- If Pitbull is on-camera and says, “Dale!” with your non-drinking hand pump your clenched fist like you’re partying until 4 a.m. with Pitbull in a Miami club while you chug your drink. Will you look like a jackass? I mean, yeah, but it’ll be quite the scene in your living room for sure. If you’re in New Jersey, this is normal for you and this is why we laugh at you constantly.
- Because the game is in Florida if there is something stereotypically Florida getting in the way of the game (alligator on the field, “Florida man” on the field, etc.), understand that Florida was underwater for a reason before and this is what we have to live with now. Chug to deal with it, please.
- If there are any issues with the audio or the “special effects” (i.e., Left Shark) during the J-Lo/Shakira halftime show, chug to get you through it. No Sips, Don’t Lie! CHUG!!!
- False start. Chug.
- If Richard Sherman goes all “Crabtree” on Erin Andrews again. DEAD.
- If Troy Aikman goes on a soliloquy about the battles he used to have with the 49ers in the 1990s, you deserve a good chug, especially if you don’t feel like going down memory lane.
So there you have it. 54 rules you can pick at your choosing to enjoy some Super Bowl 54 action between the Chiefs and the 49ers. Remember, you don’t have to party hard to have a good time watching this Super Bowl. But if you do party hard, don’t be stupid and drive home. You can be stupid at this Super Bowl party if you want to, but don’t be dumb enough to get yourself a DUI.
Be safe, have fun and go, team! Woo!